A Rose By Any Other Name

Posted on | July 3, 2016 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
I am not an alcoholic. At least I don’t think so.  And no one has told me that I drink too much.  My problem is that I go out with friends or go to a party and once I start drinking I can’t stop.  My friends might have 2 or 3 drinks and then say they’ve had enough.  Once I’ve had 2 or 3 drinks I have no will power and keep drinking until I’m clearly drunk and hung over the next day.  Do you have any advice on how I can get some will power?
One Too Many, Once Too Often

Dear One Too:
It’s not about will power.  Call it what you want, but not being able to stop when you have had enough signals a problem. You can try limiting yourself to one drink, but if you can’t do that consistently, you had better quit.  Sounds harsh? That’s what an alcoholic says.

Measuring Up

Posted on | July 3, 2016 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
I’ve always liked really tall guys but I think I’m falling in love with a guy who is even shorter than I am. Is it possible to change one’s taste in men?  Or do you think this is just a short guy phase that I will grow out of?  I don’t want to invest too much time and energy if it’s just a passing fancy.
Shortie, Too

Dear Shortie:
You love who you love. A checklist of criteria for selecting a partner sounds like a good idea but your heart doesn’t always listen. Go with your feelings.

Reading Between the Lines

Posted on | July 3, 2016 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
Totally out of the blue, one of my oldest friends stopped talking to me and I have no idea why. I’ve asked her and she always says “nothing” but in that tone of voice that really means “something but I’m not telling you.”  We are both adults.  Do I just hope that time will heal this?  Or do I send her flowers with a generic “I’m sorry about something” note?  I don’t want to lose this friendship but I don’t want to grovel either.
Shut Out

Dear Shut Out:
Write your friend a note telling your friend that you value the relationship.  Say that you would be happy to discuss whatever is bothering them. No response is an answer and don’t pursue it further.

Yes or No

Posted on | July 3, 2016 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
Is it polite to go out with boys you don’t really like just to be nice? Or is it mean to waste their money if you’re not really into them?
Girl Trying to Do the Right Thing

Dear Girl:
You should value your own time, not just their money. If you are not at all interested in spending your time with someone, then politely decline their invitation.


Posted on | June 12, 2016 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
What do you think of this whole transgender bathroom issue? I have been to a lot of places like restaurants that have only one bathroom and it’s used by both men and women. And you know what, the bathroom in my home is used by men and women.  What’s the big deal?
Not So Worried

Dear Not:
We are not at all concerned either. It is however, quite interesting, that battles over civil rights inevitably end up in the bathroom. Apparently FEAR lives there.

Relationship Warantee

Posted on | June 12, 2016 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
My husband and I are getting separated after only 6 months of marriage. Is there a rule about returning wedding presents if the marriage lasts less than a year?

Dear Eve:
Sounds like you have more serious matters to attend to than wedding gifts. Yes, probably 20th century ettiquette recommends that significant gifts be returned, but we would not concern ourselves with this unless someone demands a refund

Good Luck

Posted on | June 11, 2016 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
My parents caught my older brother drinking beer and now they have grounded BOTH of us which is completely unfair. How can I convince them that HE is the evil one and not me?  I should not be punished for his behavior!
Sad Sib

Dear Sad:
Ask them if you get a pass when you get caught drinking beer since you’ve already done your time. Or point out that it is customary to pay for a crime of any sort after it has been committed, not in anticipation of an infraction to come.

It’s the Team, Stupid!

Posted on | June 11, 2016 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
I recently started a new job and one of my co-workers likes to take credit for everything that I do and every idea that I have. I’ve tried to make it clear to my boss that these are my ideas but this guy is an expert at sucking up to the boss.  I’m afraid that when raises and promotions are handed out that I will be at the end of the line.  Do I keep trying to get my well-deserved credit or do I just give up and look for another job?


Dear G:
Unless your boss is a moron, he knows everything you know. Suck ups out themselves. Do your work and stop wasting energy on who gets credit.

A Good Question

Posted on | June 8, 2016 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
How is married life a sort of business?
Just Starting Out

Dear Just Starting:
Marriage is like a business in that you make deposits and withdrawals — of emotional energy, kindness and attention. There are times when one partner makes many withdrawals — just make sure you don’t exceed your deposits.

If It Feels Creepy, It Is Creepy

Posted on | May 29, 2016 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
A friend has secretly confided in me that she is planning to leave her husband.  I don’t really know either of them very well but she has come to me for help in getting a job (we work in similar businesses) and a temporary apartment.  Normally, I would be glad to help a friend find a job but I feel very dishonest given the circumstances.  Should I tell her I don’t want to do this?  Or that I will only help if she tells her husband first?  This whole situation makes me feel uncomfortable.

Dear Norah:
It is not your place to deliver an ultimatum  about how she deals with her husband but it is your right, in fact obligation, to refuse to participate in a “situation”.

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