The Lady or the Tiger

Posted on | September 28, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
Do you think that Internet dating services are better than hanging out at bars?
Working at It

Dear Working:
Depends on what you are looking for. Bars have the advantage of “what you see…. ” but dating services promise focus.  Our thought is that you might want to try both!

Another Parent Trap

Posted on | September 28, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
What’s the secret to NOT spoiling your children?  I can’t seem to stop buying them stuff and giving them everything they want.  Is that wrong?

RS

Dear RS:
Well, the first thing is STOP — nobody, except maybe infants, should get “everything they want.”  We don’t know the secret, but we do know that character is a slow build and THAT is your primary job as a parent.

Oh My Dear

Posted on | September 27, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
Do you think it’s important for women to work?  My boyfriend makes enough money for both of us to live comfortably and he would prefer that I quit my job so that I can pay more attention to him.  Do you think that’s a good thing to do?
Janet

Dear Janet:
Exactly how much time would you like to devote to him?  What would you like to do  for him?And what do you think that will do for you?

In a Word

Posted on | September 27, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
Do you think that having children is the answer to the meaning of life?
???

Dear ???:
No.

In for a Dabble, In for a Dive

Posted on | September 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
How old was the youngest person you ever dated?
Cradle Robber

Dear Cradle:
Surely you don’t mean us, personally? In general, we believe 10 years age difference is the legal limit for a long-term relationship, but we are presuming that both parties are at least over 21.  Smaller differences are more significant and very problematic for minors because a difference of even 4 or 5 years drastically changes the power relationship in favor of the older partner.  For those over 60, many folks often dabble with those who are more than 10 years younger/older. Sometimes it works out wonderfully well, but most often for a dabble. Those seeking long-term relationships might do well to do the math, and think deeply about the complicated and ever moving equation of youth, power and money.

1 person likes this post.

Never Explain

Posted on | September 21, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
My wife left me a few years ago and it was pretty devastating at the time.  My best friend was a big source of support and since he was in the midst of breaking up with his boy friend, I suggested that he move in with me.  I know that we make sort of an odd couple but the whole arrangement works out great and there is absolutely no tension between us even though I’m straight and he’s gay.  The problem is that other people just assume that we’re a couple and probably think that I left my wife for a man.  If they asked me, I would tell them but they don’t ask.  So how do I bring this up politely without sounding defensive or homophobic?
Rob

Dear Rob:
Sounds like you you have a very happy situation. The details are only relevant to those with whom you are intimate.

1 person likes this post.

It’s Personal

Posted on | September 14, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
How many bras and underpants should one have at any one time?
Joy

Dear Joy:
Well, there are many ways to think about this — but lets start with one for everyday of the week (labeled, or not, that’s a matter of taste) and work up or down from there.

1 person likes this post.

The Answer Is Yes or No

Posted on | September 14, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear  Short Answers:
Is it rude for people at work to collect money for their children’s charities?  Even if it’s a good cause, I feel like I am giving money “anonymously” because I have never even met the person who is collecting the funds.
$?$?

Dear $?$?:
Understand. However we don’t think it’s rude.  If you REALLY want to connect with the kid and/or charity, then ask for more information. If you are just looking for a way out, you don’t need to get in a huff about saying “No thank you, I don’t choose to give at this time.”

Huh?

Posted on | September 14, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
When a person sends a thank-you note, are you supposed to send a note back?  To me, that seems stupid but sometimes when I send a thank-you note, I get a note back that says, “thank you for your very kind note.”  That kind of nonsense could go back & forth forever!!!
EKR

Dear EKR:
If you get a “thank you” for your “thank you” then you must have written an exceptional “thank you.” Take a bow (privately, in your own home) and forget it.

Exceptionalism

Posted on | September 14, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
My partner and I are both over 60, gay and have no children.  When we were younger, all our friends were having kids so we didn’t see much of them and when we did, all they talked about was their children so that wasn’t very interesting.  When their kids grew up and left home, we re-connected and started to develop strong friendships again.  Unfortunately, they’re now all having grandkids!!! Which, apparently, are the most important and fascinating human beings in the world.  We can plan a dinner or movie date for months in advance, but it gets broken at the last minute when the kids call and need an emergency babysitter (probably so THEY can go out to dinner).  Do I need to find new friends or is this normal behavior in America?
Bob’s the Uncle

Dear Bob:
You need new friends.  Or tell the old ones that you need to be a priority. We don’t like any of the “normal” behaviors that routinely assume that their choices (this includes work, dates, children, grandkids) are more valid than yours.

1 person likes this post.

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