Self-Respect

Posted on | April 6, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
I work really hard at child care, elder care and service to my community. I serve on the Board of Education in my town which is endlessly time consuming. I really like what I do but because I don’t get a pay check, I feel like my friends think my responsibilities are “optional.”  I am the one who is always expected to accommodate to their schedule. I really don’t want to make a scene but if someone breaks a date again because they “have so much work” after I have arranged “my work” to be able to meet them I think I will scream. Any ideas?
Daisy Do Right

Dear Ms. Right:
Haven’t you heard? American culture values $$ over nearly everything else, lip service to family values and community service not withstanding. YOU must respect yourself and your choices before your friends will. Let’s assume the best: they really never thought about your commitments. Next time someone presumes that you will cheerfully “understand” or “accommodate” say, “This is VERY inconvenient.  Please don’t do it again.”

J’accuse?

Posted on | April 6, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
There is a casual friend that I run into often and every time she says “oh we must have dinner and get to know each other better.” Several times, I called her back and she was either busy or didn’t return my call. So now when I see her and she says this, it pisses me off because I know she’s being completely insincere. Would it be appropriate for me to point this out to her? It would certainly make me feel better.
Pissed Off

Dear P:
Why do you assume that it is YOUR responsibility to make her dream come true? If she wants to get to know you, and perhaps she does, let her offer an invitation. You could start the ball rolling with an accusation of insincerity — but it might be better to say “call me with some options…”

Why Do You Ask?

Posted on | April 6, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
What do you think of Andrew Sullivan?
Curious

Dear C:
We <3 Andrew.   ;)

Caveat Emptor

Posted on | March 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
I recently started dating a woman and we seem to really hit it off.  But I just found out that she is living with (and I really mean LIVING with) another woman.  She has invited me back to her house and hinted that we might get into a three-some with her “roommate.”  I am kind of curious and more than a little bit turned on but not sure if this kind of thing ever really works out.  Do you think people can truly be bi-sexual?  I don’t want to be the one who gets hurt in this situation.
John Doe

Dear Doe:
It depends on what you mean by “works out.”  If you are looking for a serious relationship with this woman, we think she has just told you that is NOT a possibility. If you are looking for a potentially interesting experience, it’s a definite “maybe.”  But be clear — it is an erotic adventure and not an affair of the heart. Hint: Sense of humor always helpful in these situations.

Your Call

Posted on | March 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
If your boyfriend ignores Valentine’s Day, forgets your birthday and believes that anniversaries aren’t important — is it time to get a new boyfriend?
No Presents

Dear No:
Well, if you are looking for trophies, then obviously you got the wrong guy.  We think things like kindness, humor and intelligence are more important for the long run but you get to pick your poison.

Once Upon a Time

Posted on | March 31, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
I own a small business, and I’m head over heels in love with the man that I run it with. (It turns out that the feeling is mutual.) I know that I can’t have a personal relationship with him and risk messing up our professional relationship — I can’t run the business without him. How can I get over my feelings for him while still working so closely together?
In Love

Dear Love:
Assuming neither of you are married to other people, we see possibilities here.  Don’t mess with it if you think it is just an infatuation but if you are really in love and willing to work as hard at your relationship as you do at your business — you wouldn’t be the first couple in the world to combine business with pleasure.

Sometimes, Mama Knows Best

Posted on | March 23, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
My mother is determined to find a “suitable” wife for me.  She sets me up on dates with daughters of her friends, girls from church (which I don’t attend), and (I think) random people she meets on the street.  My mother has surprisingly good taste and must be pretty persuasive because same of these girls are smart, gorgeous and just might be perfect for me.  But every date I go on, it just feels like my mother is in the room and that creeps me out.  How do I avoid the overwhelming feeling that this is a blind date set up by my mother and just let things happen as they normally would?
Interested, But

Dear Interested:
Maybe she “gets you.”  Think of it as online dating with concierge service.

Get a Grip, Girls

Posted on | March 23, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
There is a woman in town who is a stay-at-home mom with 3 children. Every year (actually, 3 times a year), she throws the most lavish birthday parties for her kids. It makes the rest of us moms look like slackers. Every year, our own kids ask why they can’t have a party like her kids do. How do we convince her that her parties are over-the-top and making us all look bad?
The Rest of Us

Dear The Rest:
You don’t convince her — you convince YOU that whatever you are doing is fine. This is only the first time that your kids will want what some other kid has. There are exactly a million iterations of this situation. The answer is all about you — not the other kid. Or the other mother.

1 person likes this post.

We Could Write a Book on This One

Posted on | March 16, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
A woman at work just had a baby (her first) and decided that she wants to come back part-time. Actually, I think she’s getting paid full-time but she works part-time from home. I think this is massively unfair and if one person can work from home, we all should be able to work from home. Am I justified in making an official complaint about this to HR? I don’t want the new mom to be punished. I just want the rest of us to be treated the same way!
It’s About Fair

Dear Fair:
We hear you. Culturally, we are in an adjustment period. Now that it has been massively documented that working mothers operate at an extreme disadvantage, some companies are bending over backwards to accommodate their needs. Think of it as affirmative action for moms.  Until the workplace adjusts to the needs of people, not just parents, there are bound to be inequities.  About making a complaint … we think that is ill- advised. You don’t have all the facts.  A better approach is inquire about the policy concerning work from home.  And don’t be too surprised if there is none.

1 person likes this post.

Nunya

Posted on | March 13, 2014 | Comments Off

Dear Short Answers:
There is a new woman at work who dresses in a very inappropriate way. The problem is that she dresses TOO WELL!! I work in a casual work environment and she dresses in fancy designer suits and expensive shoes. She’s making the rest of us girls look like slobs. How do I tell her in a nice way to tone it down?
Jeans Girl

Dear Girl:
You can choose your  own clothes but you don’t get to choose hers.

2 people like this post.

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